Reflections on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is that time when we remember those females who have cared for us and have made an impact on our lives.  Moms, grandmas, aunts and even close friends.  It can be a time of complete joy--when you've just welcomed a new child into the family, but it can also be a time of sorrow.  A sense of ache because of a loss.

Recently, we were blessed to have the two books that Mei Mei's orphanage gave us, translated into English.  While they were filled with pictures (which we loved!!) from the time she entered the orphanage until the time she left, there was also quite a bit of text.  Reading through all that was written impressed upon me again how even though adoption is a blessing, it originates out of a loss.

Initially it is the loss of a birth mother and her birth child.  In Mei Mei's case, there was also a loss of the "grandmothers/aunties" or aiyis who lovingly took care of her in the orphanage as well as the loss of her foster mother.  I do not take lightly the impact that all of these women have had on Mei Mei. They held her when she was sick, laughed with her when she danced, praised her when she said "Aiyi hao" (Auntie, you are well) and scolded her when she was naughty.  I know that her remembrance of them is dimming and soon will be forgotten, save the photos and translations that we have.

"Grandmothers" who took care of Mei Mei

Mei Mei's foster mother

Based on the letters that they wrote to her, they loved her deeply.  She was their little Mei Mei. While they were happy she was going to her forever family, it was bittersweet for them.  One of the greatest acts is to love and let go.  They know this only too well.  The other woman, that we don't have any information about, who also knows this fierce act of love, is her birth mother.

An Aiyi with Mei Mei.

While I am hugging and loving on my two precious blessings, it is always with a heart tinged with sadness--the fact that neither Mei Mei's nor the Noodle's birth mothers will ever see what vibrant, loving, smart and wonderful girls their birth daughters have become.  My prayer is that the Lord can somehow reassure these women that their choice was the right one and that their girls are thriving.

While we were in the waiting stage for Mei Mei I read the book Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother:  Stories of Loss and Love by Xinran.

It was heartbreaking and raw and real all at the same time.  It didn't matter whether the women recounting their stories were college students, businesswomen, peasants or even the midwives that delivered the babies--each had a message to tell and so much love to express.  The constant throughout the book? You were and still are loved and are never far from your birth mother's mind.

This loss for my girls is deep and multi-faceted.  I want to continue being open and honest with them but allow them the time and space to work through their emotions as they see fit.  It is a broken and messy situation, but at the end, God makes beautiful things out of the dust.  I continue to claim this prayer for them.

***The Noodle's orphanage was not associated with the same organization (Half the Sky) as Mei Mei's orphanage, so unfortunately we only have a few photos from her time in China.

The Aiyi who took care of the Noodle.