Mother's Day and computer issues

Mother's Day.  May 8th, 2016...I was planning on posting that day except my computer had other ideas.  Like crashing.  Ugh.  Technology.

The good news is that we have Carbonite.  The bad news?  For some reason, not all of the files were backing up (think photos from 2006 until the present, all our adoption files/paperwork for both girls, anything school related of mine that I've worked on at home, etc., etc.).  The good news is that J has his IT guy "tinkering" around on the old hard drive, excited about the challenge of pulling data off a defunct piece of equipment.  The bad news--he was very upfront about the fact that sometimes he's successful and other times...not so much.

Big sigh here.

But really, it is out of our control and so getting upset and emotional and playing the blame game doesn't do anyone any good so what's the point?!

As I was driving down to J's office to give him the old hard drive so he could hand it off to the IT guy, I drove right by a man who was homeless.  Nothing like the sobering reminder of your first world problem when you're face to face with someone living under a piece of cardboard and eating from the garbage can.

That certainly pricked my heart and causes me to stop short.  I hear you Lord and I'm sorry.

So.  Mother's Day.  We enjoyed a brisk walk to church and back and then took a stroll around the 'hood.  It was breezy but the sun was out.  All the flowers were on display and the sun and blue sky were putting on a fabulous show too!  Bring it!

After stopping at two garden stores for annuals, we met Lala and Papa for brunch.  Too much food but oh so yummy!  And of course, mimosas.  What's brunch without them?!

After we finished eating we headed back to Lala and Papa's condo.  The landscaping at their condo is so beautiful at this time of year we had to get a few photos.

The only problem was that no sooner would everyone get together, then one small person would have to go potty.  We'd put the whole party on hold for 10 minutes until they'd get back and then we'd try it again.  Only to have the other little person declare that now she had to go (even though 10 minutes prior to that, she had sworn that she didn't need to go).

The rest of the afternoon we spent gardening and potting up pots.  The girls were busy hanging outside and helping out so it was the perfect end to the day.

I do have to admit that this is always a bittersweet day for me.  Anyone who has ever dealt with infertility or the loss of a child can certainly empathize.  It is also one of those days that I am always much more keenly aware that around the other side of the world, there are two mothers who are mourning the loss of their children too.  Two birth mothers who never miss a day without wondering where their daughters are and how they are doing.

Their losses made me a mother and I am forever grateful to them and for them for the difficult choices they made.

Mother's Day Weekend

We got to celebrate moms all weekend long!

First, I was able to go into Mei Mei's class and play.  What fun!  It is so cute to see all of those adorable little preschoolers.  Definitely a fun age :)

Then, after hitting up the park for some serious playing, we headed out to see Grandma and Grandpa. The beautiful weather just begged for a beach walk.  How could we say no?!

Finally, on Sunday, we had brunch with Lollie and Papa.  The restaurant was so close to their condo that we could walk, which was a perfect way to walk off all that brunch food.  Can you say stuffed?!

Both J and I realize just how blessed we are that both our mothers live so close and that we can see them so frequently.  We love that the girls have our mothers to pray for them, influence them and love on them!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Reflections on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is that time when we remember those females who have cared for us and have made an impact on our lives.  Moms, grandmas, aunts and even close friends.  It can be a time of complete joy--when you've just welcomed a new child into the family, but it can also be a time of sorrow.  A sense of ache because of a loss.

Recently, we were blessed to have the two books that Mei Mei's orphanage gave us, translated into English.  While they were filled with pictures (which we loved!!) from the time she entered the orphanage until the time she left, there was also quite a bit of text.  Reading through all that was written impressed upon me again how even though adoption is a blessing, it originates out of a loss.

Initially it is the loss of a birth mother and her birth child.  In Mei Mei's case, there was also a loss of the "grandmothers/aunties" or aiyis who lovingly took care of her in the orphanage as well as the loss of her foster mother.  I do not take lightly the impact that all of these women have had on Mei Mei. They held her when she was sick, laughed with her when she danced, praised her when she said "Aiyi hao" (Auntie, you are well) and scolded her when she was naughty.  I know that her remembrance of them is dimming and soon will be forgotten, save the photos and translations that we have.

"Grandmothers" who took care of Mei Mei

Mei Mei's foster mother

Based on the letters that they wrote to her, they loved her deeply.  She was their little Mei Mei. While they were happy she was going to her forever family, it was bittersweet for them.  One of the greatest acts is to love and let go.  They know this only too well.  The other woman, that we don't have any information about, who also knows this fierce act of love, is her birth mother.

An Aiyi with Mei Mei.

While I am hugging and loving on my two precious blessings, it is always with a heart tinged with sadness--the fact that neither Mei Mei's nor the Noodle's birth mothers will ever see what vibrant, loving, smart and wonderful girls their birth daughters have become.  My prayer is that the Lord can somehow reassure these women that their choice was the right one and that their girls are thriving.

While we were in the waiting stage for Mei Mei I read the book Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother:  Stories of Loss and Love by Xinran.

It was heartbreaking and raw and real all at the same time.  It didn't matter whether the women recounting their stories were college students, businesswomen, peasants or even the midwives that delivered the babies--each had a message to tell and so much love to express.  The constant throughout the book? You were and still are loved and are never far from your birth mother's mind.

This loss for my girls is deep and multi-faceted.  I want to continue being open and honest with them but allow them the time and space to work through their emotions as they see fit.  It is a broken and messy situation, but at the end, God makes beautiful things out of the dust.  I continue to claim this prayer for them.

***The Noodle's orphanage was not associated with the same organization (Half the Sky) as Mei Mei's orphanage, so unfortunately we only have a few photos from her time in China.

The Aiyi who took care of the Noodle.

Mother's Day weekend...better late than never

Mother's Day weekend was be.aut.i.ful!!  We were able to spend lots of time outside--walking on the beach, working in the garden, planting up our pots and eating alfresco.  Nothing too hurried, just lots of down time to chillax.

The Noodle was "in the zone" when we went down to the Lake.  Complete with her binoculars and her palentologist bag.  She was intent to find fossils--Daddy tried to convince her that some cool looking shells were ancient bones from long ago dinos, but she didn't buy it.

Little Buddy was a willing participant along for the ride...no matter what the activity ;)

This year the Noodle was really into planning out Mother's Day .  She had it in her mind exactly what she wanted to do, so Saturday she and J were busy running errands here and there to get everything in place. So sweet.

Sunday morning she brought me breakfast in bed which was so thoughtful.  After church we ran to the garden store (or 3) before we met up with Lollie and Papa for brunch.  Boy how the tide can turn...prior to brunch, NO ONE wanted Mama...it was all about Daddy.  Ha!  Just keeping it real.  Once everyone had some food in their tummies things calmed down.

***Just as an aside, I know this hat makes me look like a complete tool, but since I'm edging ever so much closer to a milestone birthday, I've become much more aware of the sun and the damage that it is/has done to my skin.  Vanity be gone!!!!!

Mother's Day can be such a blessing, but I know that it can also be a very hard holiday (--see here ).  For too many years I just wanted to skip right over this particular Sunday.  A great prayer warrior, who has since gone on to be with the Lord, used to pray this scripture for me:  "He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.  Praise the Lord!"--Psalm 113:9  Praise the Lord is right!!

 

Mother's Day

This year my Mother's Day started a little early.  I was pampered by the Noodle Friday morning at 'Spa-la-la', located in her Kindergarten classroom.  No expense was spared and I got pampered with only the best in service and attention!!

A mani/pedi, massage, hair style, make-up application, some tasty refreshements and of course, good conversation!

We were told to come with a clean face and remove all our nail polish.  Thankfully, a little bird had told me to perhaps bring more, ahem, neutral, light colors for polish and make-up.  Good thing.  Ha!

When she handed me her little gift, which was a plant with a poem, I got all choked up and started crying.  You just never know when emotion is going to well up!

Yesterday, after a coooold soccer game, we went out for brunch.  Chocolate chip french toast with whipped cream?  Um, yes please!  It was exactly what I needed to warm up.

This morning, before we left for church, I found the Noodle sitting in her toy box very intent. She was busy making boxes and writing all sorts of things down.  Interview questions for me, I found out.

Then it was time for church.  The Noodle sang in the choir--such a sweet song about a mother's love.  The rest of the day is going to be pretty low-key-- just snuggling on the couch, reading books, playing matchbox cars and figuring out how to make a bow and arrow (thank you Merida). 

For so many years, this had been such a hard day. Tears were all too common. Now, the tears of saddness are replaced with tears of joy and thankfulness. How blessed I am. 

The Making of a Mother

In the blink of an eye, this little person made me a mother.

It was a long road, but soo worth it in the end.  If only I had known back then, what I know now--God's vision is bigger than mine and His timetable is perfect.

I know that some may feel like making the decision to adopt is "settling" or "Plan B".  Take a look at that face...do you think that's settling?!  Others may feel that adoption is "great for them, but not for me".  If you or someone you know is contemplating growing your family through the miracle of adoption, then PLEASE tell them this is the furthest thing from the truth!!  Adoption is designed by God...didn't he adopt all of us into His family through the blood of His son?

In the book we are currently studying in our small bible study group (What Happens When Women Walk in Faith), the author talks about a similar situation, when she felt God was whispering to her to adopt.  As she struggled and thought of all the reasons why it made NO SENSE for their family to pursue an adoption of 2 teenage boys (to add to their 3 girls), a friend of her's made a comment that brought her to her knees.  To paraphrase, "He put it on your heart, because He knew you'd say yes."  Wow.  Isn't that just God's way.  He knew we would say yes.

Mother's Day used to be such a painful day for me.  One year we had to leave church early because I was such a mess.  The heartache that I felt all those years was so hard, but it softened my heart to the point that when I was finally willing to listen to the Lord's whisper, I responded with "yes". 

When I look at the Noodle, there is no way that I feel she is a "plan B" for our family.  She was always God's "plan A" for us.  She was always the one who God called to be our daughter.  She was always meant for us. 

On a slightly different note, we certainly wouldn't be blessed with the Noodle without the sacrifice of her birth mother.  You can read last Mother's Day post, to find out more.

Mother's Day

As we celebrated Mother's Day yesterday, I couldn't help but remember another mother around the world. The Noodle's birth mother. I have nothing but heartfelt gratitude for her and her decision to make the plan that she did, for her daughter. I will never know, nor understand the circumstances that led her to her difficult decision, but I DO know that I am humbled and so appreciative of her choice.

I sometimes get asked, how could mothers in China just abandon their children?! The only answer that I have, is that in many ways, our lives are as different as night and day. I can't begin to imagine the struggles, battles, financial constraints, etc. that a Chinese woman faces and I certainly have no room to pass judgement. There are some answers that we will never have. This may be one of them.

It is my prayer that the Noodle's birth mother have a peace about her decision. I trust that the Lord is stilling her heart and reassuring her of the choice. I pray that she would know that the child she gave birth to is a loving, caring, sweet-tempered little ball of energy who is loved beyond words by her forever parents. Finally, I pray that she would know how appreciative we are that we get the honor of loving and raising The Chinese Noodle.